Dorchester Friends In Deed

DO YOU THINK YOU COULD BECOME A

BEFRIENDER?

What are befrienders’ responsibilities?
• Taking time to build a relationship with the befriended.
• Carrying out the volunteer role with due care and diligence.
• Listening in a confidential, non-judgemental way.
• Offering social support and companionship.
• Staying in contact through changing circumstances.
• Acting with respect and courtesy at all times.
• Feedback concerns to coordinator for appropriate action, having discussed this with the befriended, for appropriate action.
• Preserve the independence of the befriended.
• Refuse to take on tasks, requested by the befriended person, which they are not happy to do or go beyond their limitations or job guidelines.
• Tell the coordinator if you are having any difficulties with your work.
• Enjoy your befriending!

This could be both fun and fulfilling - and is a much needed role in the community. It won't take up too much of your hard-pressed time, but would be really worthwhile.

Time required: Flexible, to fit in with personal circumstances but a minimum of 1 hour per month (after the initial training of one 6½ hour day or four 2 hour sessions depending on which is being offered at the time).

Training: initial participation is a necessary requirement. Ongoing training will be provided as appropriate.

Reviews: these will be carried out by the coordinator at regular intervals. Regular contact should be maintained.

Requirements: Anyone taking part will require 2 references and will be CRB police checked.

BEFRIENDING IN THE COMMUNITY

Befrienders support is based on the important fact that people are social beings, whose need is to belong and to have interaction with others.

People can be isolated or feel alone for all sorts of reasons: the nature of a person’s physical or mental health problem, their age, being homebound or have other circumstances which make opportunities for developing friendship difficult. Sometimes people feel alone even when they are in regular contact with others. Befriending provides safe, reliable, 1-1 friendly contact which should bring companionship, interest and fun.

Befrienders can be male or female, with a range of ages and backgrounds. They are ordinary, friendly people who have been carefully selected and trained to ensure reliability, safety and confidentiality within the relationship. They are people who give freely of their time and experiences, offering friendship and support to adults within the community who may feel isolated through age, illness or disability.

What do people in the community want?
• Someone to listen; someone who will take time to really listen to them.
• Someone who won’t judge, or give advice or opinions; but will give their undivided attention.
• Someone to trust.
• Someone who will respect them and won’t try to take charge.
• Someone who will treat everything in complete confidence.
• Someone to care.
• Someone who will make themselves available, put the person at ease and speak calmly.
• Someone with warmth who will reassure, accept and believe.
• Someone who is reliable e.g. keeping to arrangements whenever possible.
• Someone who is accountable e.g. working within the service guidelines.
• Someone who has flexibility.
• Someone who will say, “I care.”

What do people in the community NOT want?
• To be alone. Rejection can make the problem seem ten times worse. Having someone to turn to makes all the difference.
• To be advised. Lectures don’t help. Nor does a suggestion to ‘cheer up’, or an easy assurance that ‘everything will be okay.’ Don’t analyse, compare, categorise or criticise. • To be interrogated. However, gentle questions about their life help to show that you are interested in them.

What do Befrienders do?
A befriender is someone who tries to understand the person’s situation and their need for support.

A befriender does the sort of things a friend might do:
• Shares a chat over the phone, or over a cup of coffee.
• Play a game of chess, cards or whatever.
• Watch a film together.
• Ask them about their life, family and interests.
• And so on…

Befrienders do not…
• Claim to be ‘experts’ – they recognise that each person is an individual with unique personal needs.
• Take on the role of GP, nurse etc. – medical concerns will always need to be explored with the person’s doctor/nurse.
• Give counselling or social work support – befrienders are not trained counsellors but can signpost to professionals that may be able to help.
• Will not influence decisions or take control.