Roz Drinkwater - My Story

Roz Drinkwater - After her Baptism on 26th April 2009
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I was lucky that my mum was a Christian which meant that as children my sisters and I had plenty of opportunity to hear about God, to learn about Jesus. We went to Sunday School regularly and for me there was never any question that God existed. I have always ‘believed’ in Him. I never doubted or even questioned whether there was a God. But of course whilst that’s a good start it’s very different to actually knowing God. And it’s been a long road for me to get to that point.

It wasn’t until my twenties that I really started to question the actual relevance of Christianity, to question whether God was just a ‘being’ in the sky who kept track of everything on earth and maybe intervened occasionally with the odd miracle, or whether he really did have a hand in people’s lives. I had some really difficult teenage years for several reasons, and I just started to question whether God could actually hear me and whether people really could hear God.

So I researched it! I went to conferences, did an Alpha course, even went to Spring Harvest (which is a massive Christian event held at Butlins), and whilst I still felt a burning desire to know God it was still mixed in with some scepticism. I can even remember telling people that of course I believed in God but it was a very personal and quiet belief, that I was confident there was a God, but I didn’t believe he actually intervened in people’s lives on a day to day basis and I would never succumb to what I described as the American hype I’d seen so often. All that Christian fever seemed like false enthusiasm and for me there were still far too many questions.

But for no apparent reason I also started to go to church regularly. I can’t even remember why. I was about 25 years old and as I listened in church and found friendship in a small church group that met regularly, I gradually started to hear and see God really working in people’s lives and in my own, often very gently, but unmistakably His hand of intervention and actually very difficult to describe. There was no massive point of revelation, no date I can pinpoint when I was suddenly struck by lightening. But there were times and changes in my life that I just knew could not have been manipulated by me alone. And at that time I made a definite decision that God would always be part of my life and that I did WANT to rely on him.

Unfortunately wanting and doing are two different things and I was still distracted by material things, by all the typical things that somebody in their twenties wants. Although I had actually given my heart to God, I still didn’t yet trust him enough with my entire life and I continued to make really dreadful decisions with really dreadful consequences.

I married a complete atheist when I was 30 and spent years enjoying the benefits of a very comfortable marriage. I was blessed with two lovely children and I felt like I had everything. Until three years ago when my husband left us after 12 years of marriage to set up home with somebody else. And my world fell apart.

But I battled on regardless. I cared for the children, sorted all the practicalities, and got on with life. Yet with a big hole in my heart and in my life. The three of us moved to a house near where we’d lived for years, just outside Milton Keynes, and I decided to start going back to church. In actual fact I took this decision mainly for the children. I thought that I would always be okay, I can look after myself, but I didn’t want my children to go through all the nightmares that I had. And I knew that the only way to try to help them make good decisions was if they grow up knowing God, seeking His desires for their lives. A good church and Christian upbringing is no guarantee of that, but it would certainly give them a good start, and improve their chances!

So I went back to the Baptist Church that I’d been to before I got married. And it was like going home. I started to find real peace again, slowly, and I knew that relying on God and following his guidance is actually the only way to go. I lived through a crisis for about 2 years, where everything was a battle and I stood to lose everything. But I didn’t lose everything. Instead I won all the things that are important in life – my children and stability for the three of us. And only because my family and I prayed and prayed our way through each disaster and each fearful day. (Thank you mum).

And that’s the thing. God promises to be on our side and he is consistent with his promises. There are no nasty surprises round the corner. You get what He promises. Nothing less. And you don’t find that in anything else on this earth. And during the last 3 years I have seen that time and time again.

I’m 45 now and I’ve spent too many years chasing after happiness only to be disappointed. Last August I made the decision to move to Dorchester with the children for a completely fresh start. We did not know a soul when we moved here. I don’t even know why I chose Dorchester except that it’s near the sea and looked nice on a map. I’d never even visited the area. But I got the schooling sorted, found a house, and so we moved down here.

The first thing on my agenda was to find a good church, which I have found here after trying several others. And for me the next step of faith is to get baptised. I probably should have done it in my twenties but somehow it didn’t happen and I know that now’s the right time. It’s a really big step in a very new life for me, but it’s not a complicated decision to make. It’s something I feel absolutely compelled to do. I still get a lot wrong. But my heart is in the right place and it’s time to put my past behind me and commit to being part of God’s family one hundred per cent. Which is one of the reasons I also recently became a member of this Church.

Being a Christian is really important to me and to my family and has changed my life beyond compare. If it weren’t for my trust in God I would fear the future as much as I regret things in my past. Of all the things that I’ve turned to for security or joy or promise, I know that God is the only person who will absolutely never let me down, never disappoint me or be disappointed by me, never judge me and never walk away. I would find it very difficult to live without that knowledge, and I would certainly find it impossible to be as happy and settled as I am now.