Putting the pieces together

Any good at jigsaws…? I’m not, but the analogy of a jigsaw is a good one when we look back at the journey that brought us to Dorchester. Bit by bit, piece by piece, we began to see the full picture take shape. In fact, it’s pretty clear now. Lots of people have asked us about it, but in case you’ve not heard about this journey yourself, or only caught the headlines, this is our story…

Bombshell! That’s what it felt like at first to even think of being anywhere other than Testwood. It was back in December 2002, and I was asked to think ahead to my sabbatical, to consider then whether or not it may be right to ‘move on’ when Ali finished her training at Uni in June 2004. I could answer that straight away. No. God’s not said anything to me about it! It seemed so far away too. Bounced the idea off Ali who felt the same as me. There was no discussion so that was that… or so we thought!

Jan 2003 - A word in season Things had been getting on top of me at work, I knew I was ‘doing’ too much, but there didn’t seem to be any obvious places to cut back. It was good to have a break at Christmas, so that maybe the New Year could really have a new feel about it. On the 1st, or possibly the 2nd January, I read my Bible and the reading was from Isaiah 43. The first few verses were clearly for me. “But now, this is what the Lord says – He who created you, He who formed you – Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Saviour.” What an encouragement! I may well have felt as if I’ve been drowning, but God is not going to let me go under. Not only that, but He’ll carry me through. I felt a real sense of being safe, looked after by a God who knew me and loved me. I also had a sense that the words I’d read were going to be relevant for the whole year. Ali wasn’t as pleased when she heard that though! “You mean, we’ve got to put up with you feeling stressed out all year! Oh, great!”

March - Still no change We went for a meal with Gordon (Senior Pastor at TBC) and his wife, Janice, on 27th March 2003. We talked about all sorts. Among other things, they shared how they’d felt moving churches etc. We felt nothing! Whether we only wanted to see ourselves being at TBC, or whether this was all we could see, I don’t know, but I can remember us both saying, “God’s not told us anything!” We couldn’t say any more than that! None of us can ever make ourselves ‘feel’ anything we don’t actually feel…

April 2003 - All change…! Things started to shift following a couple days when Ali went away with her mum, up to Blackpool to see her Grandpa on 7th April. She came back saying she felt that if it was right for us to move in the future she was more open to this now. Where did that come from?! To say that was a turnaround is an understatement! “What did your mum say, Ali?!” Apparently, she just listened, and having been in the Ministry for years herself, Ali knew she understood…

Dave and Marion Edwins – part 1 We’ve known them since Dave was my Tutor at Moorlands, and have kept in regular contact since then, meeting up for meals every four months or so. They’ve been great, and have often spoken a lot of wisdom to us. We’d primed them about what we wanted to talk about. I’d anticipated Dave, as my friend, reassuring me we were in the right place, we liked Totton, the Church was growing, the kids were happy etc… Wrong! To my horror, he actually felt it could be time for us to move on, commenting on how the areas I covered had each grown, but outgrown what one person could do. I gave him a blank sheet of paper, inviting him to suggest what he felt would suit me best. I couldn’t argue with anything he said, it sounded right, but it wasn’t what I was doing now…!

Spring Harvest and smelly shoes…! Spring Harvest is the biggest Christian event in Europe. It was a real privilege, therefore, to be asked to speak at the 11-14’s week at Minehead. Good to be immersed in the raw stuff again. Ali was a leader too and both the kids were able to come, which was great. It was only a few days since we’d seen Dave and Marion. I was just about to speak one morning when a quiet guy called ‘Nev’ asked if he could pray for me. I never turn an offer of prayer down because I know how much I need God’s help! Anyway, without further ado, Nev then bends down and places his hands on my feet! What courage!! His words were moulded by what he saw in the state on my old, dirty-white shoes. “I sense these feet will be going to many more places… there will be doors opening up for you… but there will be a path opening up regarding the right way to go…” I didn’t even know this guy and he’d only met me a couple days earlier – now here he is speaking into my very life and situation!

Sainsbury’s… On 3rd May, we went for a meal with Ian & Sally, both Christians, who I knew from Sainsbury’s days. We brought them up to speed with our situation. Ian explained that, from a business point of view, staying where you are means you have to work much harder to keep re-inventing yourself, in order to have an ongoing impact, but if you go to a place that’s not had your knowledge or experience, it follows that the impact you could have could be much greater. Common sense, perceptive, something clicked with me, and God got through. It’s come back to me over and over…

The journey of Joseph… This Sunday morning teaching series at Testwood was proving especially relevant for Ali. There were times when she felt very low, as if she’d been thrown down a pit, but then, as with Joseph, she also felt as if God had another ‘land’ for us to look forward to. Hence, by the end of May Ali was quite at peace about a potential ‘move’.

Personal Development On 23rd May I saw Gordon and Les, Elders at TBC, re my sabbatical. Les felt it would be good for me to ‘consider my future’ in lieu of my own personal development. This was hinting at more than I was open to, not that I wasn’t open to moving, but rather that I was open 50 / 50 to either moving or staying. It felt as if I was stood on the middle of a see-saw, tilting one way then the other. Looking for God to tilt us one or the other more definitely!

Training…? As well as staying or going, I was also wondering about future training. Should I get formally accredited with the BU? No idea..!

June 2003 - Too comfortable…?! On 10th June I had the opportunity to do some training on ‘Safe to Grow’ with students at Spurgeon’s College. Stayed overnight with Colin, the previous Minister at TBC and the one who’d first taken a risk and put me in a pulpit…! Spoke to him about ‘where we were at’. What did he think? Colin hinted that he felt it would be quite good for me to ‘move on’. “There’s always a danger in becoming too comfortable…” I could feel myself getting all defensive inside, yet the more I thought about it, despite all the issues and the pressures I’m under daily, I still have the security of knowing what I’ll be facing that day. I know the office, the people etc, whereas a ‘change’ would really stretch my faith, and this could be a really good – even necessary - thing. The book comes to mind, “If you want to walk on water, you’ve got to get out of the boat”. While we’d talked about me being released from YFM, Colin was direct, and probably right, when he said, “As long as you’re at Testwood, you’ll always be linked with YFM”. He also sited that Jesus said he had “other places to go to…” and I was beginning to think that I have too…

Another word in season… Just before I was due to start my sabbatical, we received a card from Megan, one of our deacons. As well as the thoughtful words inside from her, there was a verse on the outside, which read, “For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11). Could, in one sense, be just ‘nice’ words some might say, but their timing was what was significant, for God had previously used this verse as an encouragement to Ali years before. It was another piece of the jigsaw…

July - Two hats…! At the start of July I visited Frinton Free Church. Had a great chat with their youth worker, Phil. As we were sharing our backgrounds, Phil said how he came to realise that, in his previous Church, he was doing two jobs “which was crazy” and that he knew he should do one or the other. I sat silently, thinking to myself, “And I have three hats – I must be even more crazy!” Knew something had to give… also thought I knew where this would be most likely.

Meeting with David Beer Really encouraged that Frinton’s Senior Pastor gave me the time he did. Asked him how he’d ‘advise’ someone like me, on sabbatical, regarding their future? He said, “If you’ve gotta passion, you’d better go do it!” But what was my passion? Had it disappeared…? Moved on…? Felt a sudden panic! Insecure too, because even what I’d always been passionate about I seemed to not know if I was anymore…

Day of fasting Yes, a whole day, 24 hours no less. Why? I was serious about wanting to know what God wanted for my / our future. Before going any further and in case I sound like some spiritual guru here, no, I don’t usually do this. In fact, I hadn’t before, and (shamefully) haven’t since. Went to Paulton’s Park all on my own, to sit, pray, read – in fact all those ‘spiritual’ things that I find so hard. Hated it…! I was hungry, bored, tired and frustrated. So much for that sense of peace and voice from heaven! Phoned Ali. Maybe she’d cheer me up, encourage me, even suggest I come home instead? Not a bit of it. Ali stated the obvious, about the spiritual battle I was in, and I knew she was right. Can’t remember exactly what she said. Something seemed to click though, because things did get positively better. It was late afternoon when I decided to call it a day. I gathered all my ‘spiritual things’ from around me (flask of coffee etc), feeling a real sense of achievement now, it was a good feeling. All of a sudden, the words came into my mind, “See, I am doing a new thing!” It came across in such an uplifting way. Felt even better now! Knew it was God. Thought it was something from the Bible, but could I find where…?! Couldn’t even find it in a concordance, so maybe it was a ‘word’ specifically to me? Comforted, I made a note of it but then duly thought no more about it – other than telling Ali later that day.

Dave and Marion Edwins – part 2 Another set of challenges really. We chatted generally, then Dave asked me if I knew what sort of things were ‘out there’ in terms of vacancies / opportunities. He encouraged me to ‘knock doors’, checking out organisations like Christian Vocations, for example. He also asked if I had a CV to send to people, but I’d never done one of these in my life! So, I acted on both the things Dave had suggested. My eyes were being opened as I looked at the different churches around. What an array, some really exciting churches too. I wasn’t aware at the time, but God was actually using this, and the various e-mails that were being sent backwards and forwards to places, to help me sense His direction. Incredibly, there were roles that, on paper, looked especially carved out for me – in a number 2 type role - yet they did nothing at all in my spirit. No buttons were being pushed at all here. However, there were others, two in particular, that did seem to draw my attention. They were for the role of me possibly being the sole paid leader in a smaller Church – and I had never felt like this before! It was always a case of, “No way will I ever do that – to have a role where the buck stops with me!” Yet, here I was, beginning to feel a genuine stirring of excitement at the possibility. Well it wasn’t from me, that’s for sure!

The very honest Martin Creasey I knew Martin from the many camps we’d done at Wetheringsett Manor in Suffolk over the years. To say he is blunt is an understatement. If anybody was going to tell me I shouldn’t go down this route, he would. Yet Martin, himself a Baptist Minister among other things, said he felt we were doing the right thing, but also that we’d probably find that circumstances would make the way clear. He could see it was maybe time for us to move on…

Still July 2003 - No-one is ‘blocking’ this ‘move’ thing, in fact they’re all encouraging it! Yet the fact that none of the people we spoke to knew each other or had contact with each other meant we had to take seriously what they were saying. God often uses other people, especially other Christians, to guide us. I know that, I’ve even taught others that! Now here I am, having to listen to the same lesson. Strangely, with time to think on my sabbatical obviously, any thought of ‘staying where we are’ now seems out of place, as if something has already begun to be ‘taken away’ from what we’re feeling? Heart? Passion? This must be a ‘God’ thing…

What a day…! - It was the 31st July 2003, little did I know what lay in store. Firstly, I thought I’d re-visit Isaiah 43, where God had spoken to me so clearly at the start of the year. How was I doing? What was the context for what I’d felt Him say to me? Got to the middle of the chapter and couldn’t believe the words I read. It said, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland” (43:18-19). Surely a ‘Word’ in season! Wow! This is what I’d heard in Paulton’s Park! Knew this was God’s word to me… It was one of the most vivid spiritual experiences of my life.

Something later made me re-read notes I’d taken from when Dave & Marion were last with us. I’d recorded that Dave had asked, “Is there anything ‘new’ God wants you to do?” I remember saying, “no” point blank to him! I now knew there was, and it certainly wasn’t my doing either.

Checked my e-mails. One was from a Church member out of the blue. He and his wife had been on holiday where they’d gone to a Church with a vacancy for a ‘Deputy Pastor’. Independently, he said, he and his wife said to one another, “Roger would love this, and the Church would love Roger and Ali!.” He didn’t even know what we were thinking, so who had put that on his mind?! Coincidence, or God…? Another ‘piece’ of the jigsaw – if indeed we needed any more – that we were to be on the move…

Finally, but still on the same day, I drove down to Portsmouth to see Kathryn Morgan, Regional Minister for the Baptist Union. Spoke of BU Accreditation and possibilities there. I shared my story, thus far. Evangelism? Youth? Community? Kathryn sensed that this ‘new thing’ was probably not one or the other of these, but rather something ‘overall’, and leader of a Church would certainly fit that.

August 2003 - People want me…! As the e-mails went backwards and forwards, and my CV too, I was surprised and shocked at several churches then ‘short-listing’ me for an interview! Affirming, yet going a bit too fast for my liking! Being on sabbatical, I’d not even said anything to the leaders at TBC yet! One by one, I began to say, “No, sorry I don’t think the Lord is calling me to pursue this any further with you.” Felt at peace about this until all that was left was two smaller churches, one in Reading, one in Dorchester. The latter was what I felt was a more likely ‘first choice’ at this stage. Knew we needed guidance here, and also that it was now time to talk more definitely with the children. Holiday would be the perfect time…

The Children We had three weeks away, so there was no rush, but about a week in to the holiday, an occasion presented itself for us to share a few details with them about the possibility of moving. Their reactions were as we’d have predicted. Our 11 year old son was quiet, rational and accepting. Our 13 year old daughter was loud, irrational and non-accepting! How can two children with the same parents be so incredibly different! Our daughter quite quickly said she didn’t want to talk about it, which was fine, so we simply left it at that, if either of them wanted to know ‘why’ were thinking like this, they could ask us and we’d go through the lot with them. Two days later, we’d just finished our usual ‘bread and cheese’ type lunch, and were chatting generally when our daughter suddenly came out with, “Right I want to talk about us moving, and I ‘d like to talk about it now!” So we did…

We must’ve talked together for over an hour. They were both great, and so, so mature about it. They were certainly amazed at some of the things we shared, the things you’ve been reading about… We wanted them to know that God had spoken to us, and it was Him directing us – rather than our own plans to rip them away from their friends. God was with us over this time, I know. Afterwards, wondering what they were now both thinking, I wandered through to our room. There was a piece of paper on my pillow, with a note written in our daughter's handwriting. It read, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:5). Boy, did I have a lump in my throat… again, what made her do that I’ll never know.

Desperate for a ‘sign’… Two churches were on our minds, at this stage we wouldn’t necessarily be going to either of them, but it would be good to know which one primarily to pursue now, if at all. Went for a jog one morning, the sky was blue, the sun was baking down, as I ran towards the sea until I reached some beautiful rock pools. Prayed. Eager to hear or sense something that made it very clear as to ‘what next’. Nothing. But then, after all my persistence, concern to get it right, feeling unsure, apprehension etc, I simply had a sense that God was, as it were, pretty chilled out about the whole thing. Although not hearing any audible voices, it was as if God was saying, “As long as doors keep opening, keep walking through…” That was it! Took the worry factor away immediately, we just needed to keep doing what we were doing, and to trust God. He’s in control. I believed it, and was at peace. Sounds simplistic now, yet this has actually been one of the most significant moments we’ve gone back to over and over again. That one line. Reminding ourselves, “Doors are still opening, so let’s not get all het up about getting it wrong, because our job is to just walk through. If it’s not right, God will shut the door. Simple.” And that is what we did…

At this stage, it was Dorchester that was gaining ground all the time in our minds, can’t explain why.

Back from holiday Good to have time to reflect, and to talk with the kids. Spoke to them about the two churches we’d been thinking about. There was a ‘statement of beliefs’ and ‘monthly news sheet’ from Dorchester. Both really encouraged me, and I could sense in my inside that I was pleased that I was encouraged about this, if you know what I mean. It was as if I was wanting this one to work, I guess…? Awake for much of the night. Couldn’t get Dorchester out of my mind… Ali felt there must be a reason we were both being so pre-occupied with the Church there. We recalled similar feelings we’d had the first time we ever stepped inside TBC years ago.

Another significant day…! It was 27th August. Our daughter suddenly came out with, “I just want you to know I’m more open to us moving now.” Major statement…! Meal with one of the Elders at Testwood, and his wife. Shared our story. They were sad, shocked, scared and excited all at the same time! Again, it was clear from listening to our own words that our ‘season’ with TBC seemed to be coming to a close, and we knew it. More importantly, maybe, is the fact that God had brought us to a place of not just feeling ‘OK’ about moving on, but positively excited! That’s a miracle! We talked together about really needing to know this was right – yes OK so we’re slow. Ali’s Bible reading tonight was, you’ve guessed it, from Isaiah 43:18-19. “See, I am doing a new thing!” It was as if God was saying, “Look, are you guys hearing me on this yet…?!”

Spies are us! We were camping for the week-end at Charmouth. An ideal time to go to ‘visit’ the Church at Dorchester, Dorchester Community Church. Didn’t let on to the kids that this could be the Church, but spoke after of our feeling this was probably the sort of sized Church we felt God was calling us to go to… There were positives and negatives to be fair, but neither Ali nor I actually felt a ‘green’ or ‘red’ light concerning the Church. Ali, however, picked up something that the speaker, Gerald Gotzen, had said in his sermon. “When God’s guiding us, there’s often a series of circumstances which suggest doors are opening in a particular direction, but there usually needs to be a key circumstance…” That’s what we needed to discern… I introduced myself to one of the Elders, Doug Holt, after the service, and it was great to receive an e-mail from him the next morning saying, “I felt my spirit witness with your spirit…”

Back seat drivers? You can’t dictate when children suddenly decide to ‘talk serious’, but 9.30pm, on the way home from our camping week-end was one of those times. Our son then spoke up, “You know, I’ve been praying about going to a new Church and stuff, and I saw a programme recently about God. On it they said, ‘Don’t expect the expected, expect the unexpected’, and I think that’s what God’s trying to tell us about the sort of Church we’ve got to go to…” Awesome, or what?! Later, our daughter added, “You know I really don’t want to leave Testwood, but I actually do think that God wants us to move now.” “That’s what I feel”, said her brother (wow agreement), and that’s actually what Ali and I feel too. God, we trust you, and look to you as to what next…you’re a great God.

September 2003 – A growing sense of God’s call… – There’s no need to detail everything that has followed, suffice to say that we met the leaders, met the Church, debated lots of questions, spoke of our vision for Church, and went to their Harvest supper. I preached there… and they still wanted us to go! In fact, the feeling of this working out was very mutual. My only worry was that I wasn’t worried! Everything went not just so quickly, but so smoothly! They wanted to reach out, to attract younger families, to build up the youth work, to have an impact on the local community, to change how they do what they do, if that’s what it takes, and all of this is what gets me going. We knew it wouldn’t be easy, and we knew for our children, especially, it was going to be very hard. But we also knew God was in this, and we believe that He equips those He calls…

October 2003 – D-Day…! Waiting for a bus can be a pain, but waiting for a Church meeting where you know there’s only one item on their agenda is agonising. There’s a part of me that wanted to get on with it and start straight away, but the Bible says, “His ways are perfect”, so we waited… until the 16th October. So, we waited, we prayed, and we twiddled our thumbs!

Yes, you’ve probably guessed it, they’ve now had their Church meeting and, out of 48 people that could have voted, 47 voted with a “yes” to wanting us to come. One other voting slip had nothing on it at all. Well, if we were in need of confirmation (which we weren’t really), we certainly got it. We had wanted things to be very clear one-way or the other all the way along, and this was a clear green light!

You won’t be surprised that we said, “yes” on the phone to the Church. No turning back now…!

“So, why Dorchester…?” A number of people have asked us why this Church specifically? Good question. Sometimes you aren’t totally clear on things like that until after the step of faith has been taken. For example, people say that if God made it abundantly clear to them that He was real etc etc then they would believe in Him, but my experience is that God generally does things the other way around. In other words He says, “You trust me, and then I’ll make myself known to you…” And for us, that was the case regarding ‘why’ Dorchester…

• The Church wants to reach out into the community. I ran the community project at TBC for 11 years.

• The Church wants someone who has a heart for evangelism. That is my heart, and I spent my third year at Bible College with this as my main focus.

• The Church want to run things like ‘Alpha’, a course for those interested in finding out more about the Christian faith. I began running ‘Alpha’ at TBC back in 1995, and have been involved in running courses ever since.

• The Church would like to have someone who has experience with children and young peoples’ work. Ali and I have been involved in this kind of stuff since we were actually young people!

 • The Church wants to have more of an input into local schools. I was involved with schools work in Totton for 10 years, and was a Governor for seven.

• The Church is eager that the gifts of others are encouraged too. That is really important to me. I’m not into people being pew-fodder. Everyone should be involved and have a part to play!

• The Church wants the ‘teaching’ to be practical. Again, that’s ‘where I’m at’. Straight, simple, and relevant to today would be very much my aim. Informal and fun too hopefully!

• The Church is also planning a ‘new’ site so someone with experience of changing buildings and all that entails would be helpful. Well, guess what…? As many of you will know, Testwood Baptist Church re-built it’s premises, and this opened back in 1997…!

Now you could say that all of that was just a lot of co-incidences. Maybe. My feeling is that when God is behind something, co-incidences begin to happen with increased regularity. Look at how many have come together for us. Not least the fact that we were incredibly ‘OK’ about leaving TBC. I never knew I could feel like that, and would have anticipated something more resembling ‘bereavement’. But it just goes to show that God – as ever – is more in the business of ‘life’…

Ann, one of the Members at TBC, summed it up after reading this when she said to us, “It’s like you’ve been hand-picked, isn’t it?” That’s sort of how it feels…

Thanks for giving up your time to read this, why not drop us a line.

With our love,